Ambition

Today has been a very productive, great day.
Had a four hour facepainting gig with some of my mom's clients in Bayridge at this place called Rex Manner. Very much like Russo's On the Bay. Crazy, it was for a one year old and seven year old's birthday. But nonetheless, excellent food (which is always muy importante) and great service.
I was seated at the staff table and told 'You have a plate of food over here with US.' Funny. Made some great connections though.

I realized today that I really enjoy facepainting, almost as much as I love the process of illustrating or tattooing. I get as excited and anxious to see the end result as the person does. Although my favorite part is absorbing their reaction in the end.

Strange, when it comes to other things I hate working under pressure but for some reason when people watch me draw or perform it's like a release for me.
As cocky as this sounds, it's even like a mini-powertrip.

Of course, it's not the main reason I do what I do. But it's nice to know that my work is apprectiated and gives me motivation to evolve as a creative being.

I wish money didn't have to be involved but my fatass has to eat and all that jazz. And whether I like facing it or not, I live as extravagantly as I have the means too. Sometimes even more.
Unfortunetly I'm the stubborn type of person that refuses to live any less than the way I want, and why should I live any other way? So, I'm more prone to giving into my "vices" than the typical person. But I've never considered myself typical either.

Well, I know it hasn't been long since I've made this decision, but going with the flow has definitely made me feel a lot better about things in general. There was a point in time, even quite recently where I worried and harped over so many stupid little things that were pointless and got me nowhere. Being away from New York for a while gave me (a lot of time) and chance to think about the things I want for myself and my future and how I want to live my life.

First, drama free. The moment I feel it coming on it's wiser to completely seperate myself from the situation. I don't find the need to drag things out with a fight and project and recieve energy that attempts to burn my fire out.

Second, is to cut out anyONE who advocates drama and in result attempts to burn my fire out. I've said it before, but I'm over it. I'm just not going to hold back anymore.

Which brings me to the (quoteonquote)Third, not holding back anymore. No more quiet, awkward little girl who never spoke out and only exploded when feeling hurt or threatened. From here on out it's all raw dog. I see it this way: if I expect people to be completely honest with me, I should be completely honest with people too. It cuts things to the chase. Just the way I like it. Direct.

I'm glad with the way things have turned out up until this point, honestly. It's made me aware of how much harder I have to work and push myself. Also that motivation, as patience, is a virtue.

"What was Lady Macbeth's fatal flaw? Ambition! Lady Macbeth's fatal flaw was ambition!"

- Violet and Claire


Well, I'm off to organize my shoes. Then work on some long overdue artwork.

To be posted soon.