"Glime"

I hate Rockaway and it's stupid shuttle train. For the third time I am missing out on Mission Of Burma because of its mishap. Fuckin MTA. Dissapointed that I didn't get to wear my new black leather-silver studded cowboy boots more than two blocks out too.

In a way it might be a good thing. It's forcing me to be more productive.

I've concocted a huge list of open mics in the Manhattan/Brooklyn areas so far to check out. It's time to start putting my shit out into the world. Right now it's just me singing accapella, at least for the moment. But I think I have what it takes to hold people's attention based on my vocal ability alone.

I'm also in the process of trying to get my life in order.

I've been weiging my options about what my next step is going to be schoolwise. One is apply to Queens College for Art History where I can take classes concerning Italian Art. I can then minor in Italian and from there apply for the foreign exchange program to the University of Catania.

Option two is apply to Brooklyn College and build up enough credits after a year or so to apply to Hunter, and do the Italian foreign exchange program from there.

Option three would be to stick to the original plan; take the SAT's to see if I score high enough to get right into Hunter.

But I like the idea of Option One. I'll go right to Sicily instead of going to Northern Italy and having to take additional time to go to Catania anyways. Besides, my distant cousin is a Proffessor at the University of Catania in History, so it's perfect really.

My fourth Option is to go to Esthetician School and get my lisence in skin care/makeup so when I apply for my tattoo lisence (which with any of these options I will be doing part-time), I can then directly apply for a tattoo cosmetology lisence at the same time. Problem is, Esthetician School in New York is expensive and do not accept Federal Financial Aid, unlike Tricoci University in Illinois.

I can't live without the city though. It's taken me a while but I've finally come to that realization. As much as I get sick of it and pull away from it, it always draws me back in with it's glitter and it's grime. I call it 'glime'.

On a contradictory note, I am starting to pack to move this week. Yes, I am moving again. This time one floor down. We compensate the third bedroom for a small backyard but it's just my mother and I and it's better for the dogs. In the long run it's better for us too, not having the ordeal of getting their harness's on and Calvin barking like a maniac. Lexi won't try and pull my arm out of it's socket either, yey arm!

I've decided to also redecorate my bedroom, again. At the other apartment I decided to go with a chocolate rasberry for the walls, but a month and $2,000 later for it to be painted over wasn't so much fun. So now I'm going to stick strictly with white walls and instead of making it so Bordello/Vaudeville I'm going to go with more of a MAC/Chanel/Couture feel.
A lot of white, black and silver/gold furniture and accessories wth thick, velvet burgundy curtains; black faux fur rug and a small colored-jewel dripped chandelier...lots of tassled pillows, candles and incence. Basically, pure sexiness.

I will be having a rummage sale soon to get rid of all of the things I don't use anymore. A lot of knicknacks, books and clothing. I'll post up some pictures soon of everything. I've been working on compiling boxes of such items and to be honest it's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. It's as if some of the...things I used to love hold a certain stigma to them now.

As I've gotten older too, I've learned to put less of a value on things that aren't a neccessary part of my being, like books I haven't read since I'm twelve or clothing I haven't touched in years. And seriously, what do I need with a shirt from back then that won't even fit half of ONE of my tits inside of it? It's time to let go.


On the art front, went through my portfolio today. Updated it a few months ago with a small series of zombie-skull pinups but I think it needs a second revamping. Been working on a few different pieces as of lately. Four for my good friend and collaborator on SLUTFACE & The Handsome Gentlemen, Bdee (of Bdee & The Venemous Oranges and Elephant Walk on Dinosaurs in Vietnam Records); Two for his solo EP and two for his second EP with Helicopter Goes Kaboom! (his collaboration with Michael McManus also of Bdee and The Venemous Oranges as well as Fastizio/El Rio Humano and one of the founders of Dinosaurs in Vietnam Records).
Then I am working on two pieces for my friend Dave's band (Digamy) for their upcoming release in March.

It's all going to be sick.

Working on some new things for Ragdoll Creations, which as of lately has been taking off better than I had expected. The new logo/flyer will be posted soon, when I stop being a spaz and figure out how to operate my new Blackberry ;)

Ambition

Today has been a very productive, great day.
Had a four hour facepainting gig with some of my mom's clients in Bayridge at this place called Rex Manner. Very much like Russo's On the Bay. Crazy, it was for a one year old and seven year old's birthday. But nonetheless, excellent food (which is always muy importante) and great service.
I was seated at the staff table and told 'You have a plate of food over here with US.' Funny. Made some great connections though.

I realized today that I really enjoy facepainting, almost as much as I love the process of illustrating or tattooing. I get as excited and anxious to see the end result as the person does. Although my favorite part is absorbing their reaction in the end.

Strange, when it comes to other things I hate working under pressure but for some reason when people watch me draw or perform it's like a release for me.
As cocky as this sounds, it's even like a mini-powertrip.

Of course, it's not the main reason I do what I do. But it's nice to know that my work is apprectiated and gives me motivation to evolve as a creative being.

I wish money didn't have to be involved but my fatass has to eat and all that jazz. And whether I like facing it or not, I live as extravagantly as I have the means too. Sometimes even more.
Unfortunetly I'm the stubborn type of person that refuses to live any less than the way I want, and why should I live any other way? So, I'm more prone to giving into my "vices" than the typical person. But I've never considered myself typical either.

Well, I know it hasn't been long since I've made this decision, but going with the flow has definitely made me feel a lot better about things in general. There was a point in time, even quite recently where I worried and harped over so many stupid little things that were pointless and got me nowhere. Being away from New York for a while gave me (a lot of time) and chance to think about the things I want for myself and my future and how I want to live my life.

First, drama free. The moment I feel it coming on it's wiser to completely seperate myself from the situation. I don't find the need to drag things out with a fight and project and recieve energy that attempts to burn my fire out.

Second, is to cut out anyONE who advocates drama and in result attempts to burn my fire out. I've said it before, but I'm over it. I'm just not going to hold back anymore.

Which brings me to the (quoteonquote)Third, not holding back anymore. No more quiet, awkward little girl who never spoke out and only exploded when feeling hurt or threatened. From here on out it's all raw dog. I see it this way: if I expect people to be completely honest with me, I should be completely honest with people too. It cuts things to the chase. Just the way I like it. Direct.

I'm glad with the way things have turned out up until this point, honestly. It's made me aware of how much harder I have to work and push myself. Also that motivation, as patience, is a virtue.

"What was Lady Macbeth's fatal flaw? Ambition! Lady Macbeth's fatal flaw was ambition!"

- Violet and Claire


Well, I'm off to organize my shoes. Then work on some long overdue artwork.

To be posted soon.

Rants and Raves: Volume One

Orange skinned whores with annoying accents and brainless mama boy's with 8oz's of goop frozen onto their heads...why is this entertaining?
The Jersey Shore is on. It's gross but I can't stop watching this filthication. I'm really hoping fistpumping doesn't become the next big "phenomenon"...

Besides the last wasted hour of life I'll never be able to gain back, I've spent most of the day going through my clothing. Fifteen bags later and I don't even have an adiquet pile of things to rid of. That's not even including shoes, in which there's another four or five big black trash bags worth.

Between music and art supplies, and clothing, I could probably fill up half the Brooklyn Navy Yard if it were all organized correctly. I don't think that's healthy. Or sane.

You do realize how much value you place on material things once you're away from all of your possessions for a duration period of time.
It's weird though, I get so wrapped up in the sponteniety and adrenaline of being somewhere new that for a time being I forget about everything else. But then that excited feeling fades and I'm itching for familiarality again.

I think I idealize the concept of change as something more pretentious than it actually is. But on the flip side, I can't stay some place familiar for too long either or I start to feel like maggots are eating me alive. Then I get into these deep ruts of depression and I lose all sense of motivation whatsoever.

I do know that whatever I'm set out to do in this life will have a lot of traveling involved, indefinitely. That is my main goals in life; to be able to do the things I love freely and travel as much as possible as a result. I'm not going to rush and do things half assed though. I'm okay with knowing that I'm not going to reach my full point of self-success by tomorrow morning. Of course I do have goals. Maybe even too many to think about at once. But however many or unrealistic they may be I no doubt have every intention of not stopping until I make every one of them happen. In what order, I have not the slightest idea. I guess whichever "door" I "pry open first".

I do feel as though I've finally reached the crossroads in my life where it's up to me and only me to find what the light and dark is for myself. So I guess now it's about taking this pent up energy I've had festering within me and manifesting it into reality. Especially with whom.

For now, it's Glitter and Doom.

Ello Creatures, Ghouls, Monsters & Fools

So, I've never really seen myself as the blogging type.
I've always felt too changeable to write down my thoughts and feelings (without poetic lisence), that my moods fluxuate too much and my compulsion issues would warrant me to go back and edit each post fifty million times before I would wind up just completely deleting it.
But lately I've been learning to let go of my inhibitions and really go with what I honestly feel inside. Basically stop being so fucking uptight, in a nutshell.

In constructing this blogature, I've decided to use it as a tool to prying open my third eye (couldn't go without some sort of TOOL refference) and let (you) inside my twisted(?) little mind...

I will also be using this as a promotional tool for my art, music, whereabouts, and generalities of the sort. So stay tuned ;)

Tata for now, Freakaleaks...