Friday, April 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Dieuhbeatus and Keytoeassuhdoseus
This past Saturday evening I was rushed to the emergency room for complications with my diabetes.
The night before I had gone to see John Mayer at Madison Square Garden with my best friend Chloe, as I have talked about on my previous blog. Everything was great, the show was amazing (he is most DEFINITELY my future husband); but after the concert I had rushed to give myself my night time insulin injection in my arm. Well, the needle rejected in my arm causing the insulin to ooze out and spatter blood all over me like a cut off zombie head. Not a pretty scene. But because of this, I didn't know how much insulin my body had actually absorbed and did not want to chance retaking the full dosage just in case some did.
The next morning I woke up with a HI bloodsugar (my meter won't read over a bloodsugar of 500. The normal range for non diabetics is 70 to 130. Mine is 80 to 150). I'm used to my bloodsugar fluxuating drastically; the past five years or so since I've hit puberty has been pretty haywire.
Over the course of the day and night I got increasingly sicker; my bloodsugar would not come down and my ketones (level of sugar spilling into my bloodstream) had increased drastically. I was doing everything in my power to avoid going to the hospital, since it's never fun, but by sunday afternoon I was breathing extremely rapidly, my skin was turning purple (because my bloodflow was not circulating properly), I had gone through at least two gallons of water in one day and could barely walk accross the room without feeling like I was going to pass out.
So I called my mom from work around four thirty, and within the hour were sitting in the Long Island Jewish Medical Center Emergency Room Trioge.
Because of the severity of my conditions I was rushed into a room and an IV of saline (salt water) was put on me to start flushing out the ketones. A normal level of ketones (glucose in the blood) is 8 to 12. When I entered the ER my ketone level was approaching 26, which is considered Ketoacidosis or Hyperglycemic Shock. Apparently I came pretty close to having a heart attack, which is really scary considering I'm not even 19 yet.
Soon after they started running several different blood tests (electrolites, magnesium, etc.) which was complete torture because my veins roll every time they go near me with the butterfly needle.
One test they FORGOT to run, pottassium, which is one of the most important to run since ketoacidosis lowers possassium levels signifacantly and dangerously, they had to take more blood.
After about an hour of waiting, and the two Residents pacing back in forth in front of my door like headless chickens saying I needed this test, finally told the Nurse.
Because my left arm had the IV with the saline drip, and my other arm and wrist whad failed to produce juicy veins, Dr. Goss (or as I like to call him, Dr. GROSS) insisted on using my right hand. When that didn't work and my vein "blew" Dr. Gross and his legent of residents started to insist that they needed to do a blood gas or ultrasound. Both my mother and the nurse refused to let them do a bloodgas which are extremely painful.
So the nurse, Carol (a loudmouth Brooklyn-Long Island- Queens type of woman) snapped at Dr. GROSS and co. to go in through the same IV port as the saline drip, which was now an insulin drip to balance me out.
Dr. GROSS disapeared and nurse Carol took over yelling at the Residents to get her a needle and tubes for the blood like they were five. They basically coward in the corner until she proclaimed, "Do you wanna come over here to watch and do this, because I already know how". They didn't know which direction to turn. Nurse carol drew the blood and made one of the Residents put the blood in the tube, but when she forgot to cap off the port, nurse Carol snapped "Are you going to cap it off or do I have to do that for you too?". The Resident did it, shakily and ran out of the room with the blood.
Apparently nurse Carol was told off by Dr. GROSS about interjecting and overriding him but she told us that she has teenage daughters so she understands and it was well worth it.
After that hell and discovering that my pottassium levels were extremely low, every few hours I was forced to injest two huge pottassium pills. They were so large, approximately the size of a knickel, that they had to break them into four small pieces.
A few hours later, of just waiting around pretty much, they moved me upstairs to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) so I could be more closely monitored. By that time it was already about two or three in the morning.
By this time the ketones had less-ened but not completely. My levels of electrolites, pottassium and magnesium were still very low so I was put on a magnesium drip as well as an insulin drip of regular fast acting insulin and a dextros drip (sugar drip, yet again, to balance out the insulin). My bloodsugar was still a bit high, mostly because they had taken me off Lantus (the long acting insulin) and were monitoring me with fast acting, which only lasts a certain amount of time.
By this point I hadn't eaten anything since early Saturday morning so I was finally allowed a sandwhich. My rapid breathing had finally simmered, as well as my heartrate and bloodpressure being back to normal levels.
I spent a full two days in the ICU undergoing more bloodtests (through the same IV port, thank god), vitals and bloodsugar being checked every two hours.
The first morning I was finally put back on Lantus, the long acting insulin. I was finally moved out of the ICU to a different floor with my own personal room and bathroom!
When you are in the hospital for a few days, not being able to take a full shower and have to share a single bathroom with a whole floor of other patients, it's the most exciting thing in the world to have your own. Especially with my ocd. It's almost like an honor in the hospital to get your own room with your own bathroom, actually. I was just glad to not be attatched to the heart monitor anymore and eat regular food.
Continuing on, I was visited by a plethora of nurses and endocronologists. One in particular who insisted "their" methods were the best and basically attacked me for not wanting to be on the insulin pen instead of injections.
I kindly explained (which in all honesty, was hard for me to do), that, the pen is just not for me. I don't like that everything has to be preplanned with it and when you insert it, however many units you take you have to keep it in you for that number of seconds. If I'm on 60 units of Lantus, I do not want to hold that thing in my stomach or arm for a full minute.
I was then attacked about the insulin pump (a beeper-like contraption that pumps insulin through an IV-like tube attatched to you by a small cathera). I then explained this is also not for me. I don't like the idea of something being attatched to me twenty-four-seven, nor do I want the risk of infection or worse calcium deposits then I already have. Plus I've heard more horror stories about the pump, exactly for the same reasoning, then I have great ones.
So call me oldschool, but I like the "freedom" of my syringes.
Now, I am not being dramatic when I say this big shot Endo-Res attacked me, because she basically argued with me that I have to do these things and I have no sense whatsoever. You know, because, I haven't been a diabetic for almost 18 years.
I guess that's beside the point though. I've been to a lot of hospitals, and a lot of doctors, residents and nurses to know that with someone like that, they aren't going to hear what the others have to say, or, pretty much, what you have to say.
I was thinking about transferring over to LIJ for the endo team there because it's closer to home now, but they don't accept my insurance. Apparently that bothered this endo-Res so much that she stormed out of the room too. Which put a really bad taste in my mouth.
So I'm going to stick out the treck to Columbia to see the best endo I've ever had, Barney Softness.
When he speaks I can't concentrate becuse he sounds exactly like Jack Nicholson and I picutre Jack ripping through the wall in The Shining. heh.
After being interrogated by the endo's and such, we had another problem on our hands. When they brought my food, which had to be monitored, they weren't bringing my insulin with it. Because I'm on fast acting and it only lasts about a two hour period, if I don't take it when I eat this causes my bloodsugar to spike. I had already waited two hours from when they checked my bloodsugar and told me it was meal time, so I had to wait now another hour now to get my insulin after my meal? Makes no sense.
It's this weird thing where in one sense they want to rush you out of the place, but then they hold you down there because of pure laziness so they can perform more of their science projects on you. Like in the ER; Dr. GROSS only wanted to do the bloodgas to show the residents and give them a chance to practice doing it.
Well, I ain't no test monkey.
Also, but more importantly, the two IV ports had also still been in my left arm since the night of the emergency room. They kept flushing them so they were ok to take blood from if they needed too, but because they were attatched for so long my whole hand and arm swelled like I had elephantitus and I wasn't able to move them at all. My other hand, from Dr. GROSS's arrogant mistake also blew up and is entirely bruised underneath the skin. I'm still in a lot of pain from both and basically can't lift anything or open bottles and such yet.
By Wednesday afternoon, after all my Labs and tests had come back normal and we were yet again just waiting and waiting around for answers, my mother finally freaked on the nurses to take the IV's out and get a final answer as to if we could go home.
Funny that that's what it took to get one.
I was discharged within the hour.
So, I'll finally get to the final jist of the whole thing....before I do, I want to give more of an in depth description of what insulin is and how all this comes into play...
First, insulin itself is a hormone, and a natural steroid in the body; not a "medicine" as some like to call it. It is produced by an organ in your body called the pancreas, which also produces several other hormones. In diabetics, our pancreas does not produce the insulin beta cells. Insulin allows glucose (sugar) to pass into your cells so it can then be transferred and then used and burned for energy. This is why I take injections. The synthetic insulin that diabetics use used to be made from pork cells, but is now made from actual human dna.
The reason I check my bloodsugar, or "finger/arm-prick" is to check the miligrams of sugar in the bloodstream so I can try to keep it at a good balance with the insulin.
Like I've explained, I'm on a fast acting insulin called Humolog which covers my carb intake and bloodsugar level for a two hour period of time.
I'm then on a long lasting insulin called Lantus. Lantus is a long acting insulin that keeps the steady flow of glucose in your bloodstream active for a 24-hour period. I am on a very large dose of 60 units so mine is broken up into two injections of 30 units every twelve hours (twice a day).
This is what a non diabetics body does naturally. In fact, as soon as you put a piece of food in your mouth and it hits your toungue, your insulin is already starting to kick in.
So, the nitty gritty of it all is this:
MY body in particular has an overactive adrenaline gland, which is activated by stress, tedious amounts of excersise, etc.. Adrenaline as well as insulin is also one of the body's natural steroids, so when they clash it causes the insulin to resist and sends my bloodsugar skyrocketing. It also increases my level of Estrogen, causing it to resist even more.
Apparently this is due to my age and should start to level out within the next few years, until around 21.
My main problem is with my injection sites. Because I take so many injections on a daily basis (8+) it gets hard to try and rotate the spots where I physically inject. Calcium deposits start to form under the skin, which is basically like a wall of resistance against it. They start out small and soft like tissue, but over time grow bigger and harden. I've seen one where it was like a baseball under the skin. Gross. I would never let it get that bad, ever. But sometimes you just don't know where they are when you inject and it hurts like hell.
That saturday night after the concert when I had rushed to take my Lantus, I had hit one in my arm and is why it didn't work. I now try to avoid using my upper left arm for this reason and am now not allowed to use my stomach at all.
It's also why you'll never see me in a two piece bathing suit. I'm usually proud of scars, they're symbolic of life experiences, but not these. These are more like war scars of a wounded soldier that won't heal.
I think with my vagabond lifestyle the past few years; jumping from Vegas, Arizona, Chicago, Upstate, Rockaway, moving several times, working twelve hour days, five, six days a week for three months straight at the tattoo shop...once I settled down recently and finally weeded out the bad, stagnant energy in my life, my body finally caved in.
It's definitely been a wakeup call.
Now I'm on a mission to become as healthy as I possibly can be. As much as I hate it and always tried to work against it, for my own stupid reasons, I'm going to try to stick to more of a schedule. Get up early, make sure to check my bloodsugar every two hours, be stricter with my portion control, take the vitamins and whatnot my body needs to get back and stay on track, get off my lazy ass and excersise more.
I know it's all a mental thing really. Saying it is one thing, it's easy, but sticking to it is something completely different.
I'd like to think I'm at a different place, stage, phase, whatever you want to call it, where I'm past the immaturity of trying to resist responsibility. And the denial of knowing that's exactly where I was in my head a few months back.
To be honest, I don't think I've been the greatest friend or most proffessional either. I've been really flakey with plans and "deadlines" so to speak. I feel really bad about that. But some days I'm so drained from my bloodsugar fluxuating that it's hard to get out of bed.
To be even more honest, I haven't had the urge or energy to make art or to write a lot. If I'm going to create something and put it out farther than the confines of my sketchbook or notebook, it has to be perfect in my eyes. Lately it's all been forced and shitty.
Although there is a never-ending list of all these things I plan to do, this time around though I'm going to pace myself and not overwhelm myself with everything.
For a long time I felt like so much in my life was delayed, and by trying to get back on track and speed things up, I lost myself and my control.
The next few days I'm going to take the time to rest and heal; my body is still completely swollen and drained. Hopefully by some point next week I'll be able to lift things and move around again.
I'm also looking for a new tattoo shop, if anyone reading this knows of an artist and/or shop who'd be willing to take on an apprentice. I have a year's worth of experience and a full portforlio of artwork.
Thank you all for reading, and your support and love.
The night before I had gone to see John Mayer at Madison Square Garden with my best friend Chloe, as I have talked about on my previous blog. Everything was great, the show was amazing (he is most DEFINITELY my future husband); but after the concert I had rushed to give myself my night time insulin injection in my arm. Well, the needle rejected in my arm causing the insulin to ooze out and spatter blood all over me like a cut off zombie head. Not a pretty scene. But because of this, I didn't know how much insulin my body had actually absorbed and did not want to chance retaking the full dosage just in case some did.
The next morning I woke up with a HI bloodsugar (my meter won't read over a bloodsugar of 500. The normal range for non diabetics is 70 to 130. Mine is 80 to 150). I'm used to my bloodsugar fluxuating drastically; the past five years or so since I've hit puberty has been pretty haywire.
Over the course of the day and night I got increasingly sicker; my bloodsugar would not come down and my ketones (level of sugar spilling into my bloodstream) had increased drastically. I was doing everything in my power to avoid going to the hospital, since it's never fun, but by sunday afternoon I was breathing extremely rapidly, my skin was turning purple (because my bloodflow was not circulating properly), I had gone through at least two gallons of water in one day and could barely walk accross the room without feeling like I was going to pass out.
So I called my mom from work around four thirty, and within the hour were sitting in the Long Island Jewish Medical Center Emergency Room Trioge.
Because of the severity of my conditions I was rushed into a room and an IV of saline (salt water) was put on me to start flushing out the ketones. A normal level of ketones (glucose in the blood) is 8 to 12. When I entered the ER my ketone level was approaching 26, which is considered Ketoacidosis or Hyperglycemic Shock. Apparently I came pretty close to having a heart attack, which is really scary considering I'm not even 19 yet.
Soon after they started running several different blood tests (electrolites, magnesium, etc.) which was complete torture because my veins roll every time they go near me with the butterfly needle.
One test they FORGOT to run, pottassium, which is one of the most important to run since ketoacidosis lowers possassium levels signifacantly and dangerously, they had to take more blood.
After about an hour of waiting, and the two Residents pacing back in forth in front of my door like headless chickens saying I needed this test, finally told the Nurse.
Because my left arm had the IV with the saline drip, and my other arm and wrist whad failed to produce juicy veins, Dr. Goss (or as I like to call him, Dr. GROSS) insisted on using my right hand. When that didn't work and my vein "blew" Dr. Gross and his legent of residents started to insist that they needed to do a blood gas or ultrasound. Both my mother and the nurse refused to let them do a bloodgas which are extremely painful.
So the nurse, Carol (a loudmouth Brooklyn-Long Island- Queens type of woman) snapped at Dr. GROSS and co. to go in through the same IV port as the saline drip, which was now an insulin drip to balance me out.
Dr. GROSS disapeared and nurse Carol took over yelling at the Residents to get her a needle and tubes for the blood like they were five. They basically coward in the corner until she proclaimed, "Do you wanna come over here to watch and do this, because I already know how". They didn't know which direction to turn. Nurse carol drew the blood and made one of the Residents put the blood in the tube, but when she forgot to cap off the port, nurse Carol snapped "Are you going to cap it off or do I have to do that for you too?". The Resident did it, shakily and ran out of the room with the blood.
Apparently nurse Carol was told off by Dr. GROSS about interjecting and overriding him but she told us that she has teenage daughters so she understands and it was well worth it.
After that hell and discovering that my pottassium levels were extremely low, every few hours I was forced to injest two huge pottassium pills. They were so large, approximately the size of a knickel, that they had to break them into four small pieces.
A few hours later, of just waiting around pretty much, they moved me upstairs to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) so I could be more closely monitored. By that time it was already about two or three in the morning.
By this time the ketones had less-ened but not completely. My levels of electrolites, pottassium and magnesium were still very low so I was put on a magnesium drip as well as an insulin drip of regular fast acting insulin and a dextros drip (sugar drip, yet again, to balance out the insulin). My bloodsugar was still a bit high, mostly because they had taken me off Lantus (the long acting insulin) and were monitoring me with fast acting, which only lasts a certain amount of time.
By this point I hadn't eaten anything since early Saturday morning so I was finally allowed a sandwhich. My rapid breathing had finally simmered, as well as my heartrate and bloodpressure being back to normal levels.
I spent a full two days in the ICU undergoing more bloodtests (through the same IV port, thank god), vitals and bloodsugar being checked every two hours.
The first morning I was finally put back on Lantus, the long acting insulin. I was finally moved out of the ICU to a different floor with my own personal room and bathroom!
When you are in the hospital for a few days, not being able to take a full shower and have to share a single bathroom with a whole floor of other patients, it's the most exciting thing in the world to have your own. Especially with my ocd. It's almost like an honor in the hospital to get your own room with your own bathroom, actually. I was just glad to not be attatched to the heart monitor anymore and eat regular food.
Continuing on, I was visited by a plethora of nurses and endocronologists. One in particular who insisted "their" methods were the best and basically attacked me for not wanting to be on the insulin pen instead of injections.
I kindly explained (which in all honesty, was hard for me to do), that, the pen is just not for me. I don't like that everything has to be preplanned with it and when you insert it, however many units you take you have to keep it in you for that number of seconds. If I'm on 60 units of Lantus, I do not want to hold that thing in my stomach or arm for a full minute.
I was then attacked about the insulin pump (a beeper-like contraption that pumps insulin through an IV-like tube attatched to you by a small cathera). I then explained this is also not for me. I don't like the idea of something being attatched to me twenty-four-seven, nor do I want the risk of infection or worse calcium deposits then I already have. Plus I've heard more horror stories about the pump, exactly for the same reasoning, then I have great ones.
So call me oldschool, but I like the "freedom" of my syringes.
Now, I am not being dramatic when I say this big shot Endo-Res attacked me, because she basically argued with me that I have to do these things and I have no sense whatsoever. You know, because, I haven't been a diabetic for almost 18 years.
I guess that's beside the point though. I've been to a lot of hospitals, and a lot of doctors, residents and nurses to know that with someone like that, they aren't going to hear what the others have to say, or, pretty much, what you have to say.
I was thinking about transferring over to LIJ for the endo team there because it's closer to home now, but they don't accept my insurance. Apparently that bothered this endo-Res so much that she stormed out of the room too. Which put a really bad taste in my mouth.
So I'm going to stick out the treck to Columbia to see the best endo I've ever had, Barney Softness.
When he speaks I can't concentrate becuse he sounds exactly like Jack Nicholson and I picutre Jack ripping through the wall in The Shining. heh.
After being interrogated by the endo's and such, we had another problem on our hands. When they brought my food, which had to be monitored, they weren't bringing my insulin with it. Because I'm on fast acting and it only lasts about a two hour period, if I don't take it when I eat this causes my bloodsugar to spike. I had already waited two hours from when they checked my bloodsugar and told me it was meal time, so I had to wait now another hour now to get my insulin after my meal? Makes no sense.
It's this weird thing where in one sense they want to rush you out of the place, but then they hold you down there because of pure laziness so they can perform more of their science projects on you. Like in the ER; Dr. GROSS only wanted to do the bloodgas to show the residents and give them a chance to practice doing it.
Well, I ain't no test monkey.
Also, but more importantly, the two IV ports had also still been in my left arm since the night of the emergency room. They kept flushing them so they were ok to take blood from if they needed too, but because they were attatched for so long my whole hand and arm swelled like I had elephantitus and I wasn't able to move them at all. My other hand, from Dr. GROSS's arrogant mistake also blew up and is entirely bruised underneath the skin. I'm still in a lot of pain from both and basically can't lift anything or open bottles and such yet.
By Wednesday afternoon, after all my Labs and tests had come back normal and we were yet again just waiting and waiting around for answers, my mother finally freaked on the nurses to take the IV's out and get a final answer as to if we could go home.
Funny that that's what it took to get one.
I was discharged within the hour.
So, I'll finally get to the final jist of the whole thing....before I do, I want to give more of an in depth description of what insulin is and how all this comes into play...
First, insulin itself is a hormone, and a natural steroid in the body; not a "medicine" as some like to call it. It is produced by an organ in your body called the pancreas, which also produces several other hormones. In diabetics, our pancreas does not produce the insulin beta cells. Insulin allows glucose (sugar) to pass into your cells so it can then be transferred and then used and burned for energy. This is why I take injections. The synthetic insulin that diabetics use used to be made from pork cells, but is now made from actual human dna.
The reason I check my bloodsugar, or "finger/arm-prick" is to check the miligrams of sugar in the bloodstream so I can try to keep it at a good balance with the insulin.
Like I've explained, I'm on a fast acting insulin called Humolog which covers my carb intake and bloodsugar level for a two hour period of time.
I'm then on a long lasting insulin called Lantus. Lantus is a long acting insulin that keeps the steady flow of glucose in your bloodstream active for a 24-hour period. I am on a very large dose of 60 units so mine is broken up into two injections of 30 units every twelve hours (twice a day).
This is what a non diabetics body does naturally. In fact, as soon as you put a piece of food in your mouth and it hits your toungue, your insulin is already starting to kick in.
So, the nitty gritty of it all is this:
MY body in particular has an overactive adrenaline gland, which is activated by stress, tedious amounts of excersise, etc.. Adrenaline as well as insulin is also one of the body's natural steroids, so when they clash it causes the insulin to resist and sends my bloodsugar skyrocketing. It also increases my level of Estrogen, causing it to resist even more.
Apparently this is due to my age and should start to level out within the next few years, until around 21.
My main problem is with my injection sites. Because I take so many injections on a daily basis (8+) it gets hard to try and rotate the spots where I physically inject. Calcium deposits start to form under the skin, which is basically like a wall of resistance against it. They start out small and soft like tissue, but over time grow bigger and harden. I've seen one where it was like a baseball under the skin. Gross. I would never let it get that bad, ever. But sometimes you just don't know where they are when you inject and it hurts like hell.
That saturday night after the concert when I had rushed to take my Lantus, I had hit one in my arm and is why it didn't work. I now try to avoid using my upper left arm for this reason and am now not allowed to use my stomach at all.
It's also why you'll never see me in a two piece bathing suit. I'm usually proud of scars, they're symbolic of life experiences, but not these. These are more like war scars of a wounded soldier that won't heal.
I think with my vagabond lifestyle the past few years; jumping from Vegas, Arizona, Chicago, Upstate, Rockaway, moving several times, working twelve hour days, five, six days a week for three months straight at the tattoo shop...once I settled down recently and finally weeded out the bad, stagnant energy in my life, my body finally caved in.
It's definitely been a wakeup call.
Now I'm on a mission to become as healthy as I possibly can be. As much as I hate it and always tried to work against it, for my own stupid reasons, I'm going to try to stick to more of a schedule. Get up early, make sure to check my bloodsugar every two hours, be stricter with my portion control, take the vitamins and whatnot my body needs to get back and stay on track, get off my lazy ass and excersise more.
I know it's all a mental thing really. Saying it is one thing, it's easy, but sticking to it is something completely different.
I'd like to think I'm at a different place, stage, phase, whatever you want to call it, where I'm past the immaturity of trying to resist responsibility. And the denial of knowing that's exactly where I was in my head a few months back.
To be honest, I don't think I've been the greatest friend or most proffessional either. I've been really flakey with plans and "deadlines" so to speak. I feel really bad about that. But some days I'm so drained from my bloodsugar fluxuating that it's hard to get out of bed.
To be even more honest, I haven't had the urge or energy to make art or to write a lot. If I'm going to create something and put it out farther than the confines of my sketchbook or notebook, it has to be perfect in my eyes. Lately it's all been forced and shitty.
Although there is a never-ending list of all these things I plan to do, this time around though I'm going to pace myself and not overwhelm myself with everything.
For a long time I felt like so much in my life was delayed, and by trying to get back on track and speed things up, I lost myself and my control.
The next few days I'm going to take the time to rest and heal; my body is still completely swollen and drained. Hopefully by some point next week I'll be able to lift things and move around again.
I'm also looking for a new tattoo shop, if anyone reading this knows of an artist and/or shop who'd be willing to take on an apprentice. I have a year's worth of experience and a full portforlio of artwork.
Thank you all for reading, and your support and love.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A Little Update...
Spent the week up in Owego with some of my family. It's a cute, small town sistering Binghampton and Ithaca. My uncle owns "Front and Center" a kitchen/homegoods store on Main Street.
The night we decide to come home, halfway through it started blizzarding. My Godfather owns a Trailblazer SS and because of the wheels being supersport, they're made thinner which makes it harder to drive in the snow. Not to mention we could barely see out the front windshield. It felt like the beginning credits of Star Wars where the stars are shooting at the screen. So with the dogs in tow, we stopped at a Howard Johnson in Liberty, NY for the night.
And by dogs in tow, I mean we had to sneak them in. When we had called the Days Inn they told us no dogs were allowed and that the other hotels had the same policy. But what were we to do? We couldn't continue, so we figured if found out they'd have to understand the circumstances.
Besides, my bloodsugar was high and they watch out for me during the night, barking or nudging me usually when my bloodsugar goes significantly higher or lower. It's amazing how they sense it. It's a known fact that animals do, too.
Lexi is also like a big furry babybear that usually sleeps snuggled into me, with Calvin's little curly as down by my feet so I was kept completely warm and protected.
I have to admit though, I'm so happy to be home. Despite the rain and snow it's so amazing to sleep in my posturepedic bed with my tempurpedic pillow as opposed to a blowup mattress on the floor or a hotel floor.
In sexellent news, tomorrow is the John Mayer concert at Madison Square Garden with Chloe. She's been my best friend since birth (our parents grew up on the Lower East Side together). I think I love her unconditionally even more than I did before. But sorry babe, that gorgeous being John is all mine. Heh.
Spent today calling different venues about open mic's. Have two set up for this coming week. Monday is Sidewalk Cafe at 8pm (94 Avenue A). Wednesday is Birch Coffee (7 East 27th Street between Madison and Fifth Avenue, Gershwin Hotel) also at 8pm. Apparently Birch fills up fast so I'm going to be there earlier to get a good spot.
For now it's going to be just me singing accapella. Probably do a couple of my own and maybe a cover thrown in if time permits.
Called Queens College to take a tour of the school next week. Waiting for a response, sent me right to voicemail. Will have to call back tomorrow. Also have an appointment at Brooklyn College on Tuesday.
I'm becoming more excited about school actually. Can't wait to start studying my roots and finally get there.
Back to Upcoming shows though...
This Saturday, the 27th, if you're in Staten Island go check out my friend AJ's band IN BUENO'S AIRES at Martini Red (372 Vanduzer Street). They go on at 11pm - 12am. This will be their last show until April due to travelling arrangements, so you should catch them if you can.
Tom Moran Band is playing at Ella Lounge on Tuesday. Apparently the venue is reminiscent of the 20's and 30's and is a bit fancy. The free beer sounds nice too.
Vision Through Sound is playing up in Centerreach, NY. I don't know if I'll be able to make this one, only if I can somehow hitch a ride, then I most certainly will.
Nothing else is that eyecatching until a bit later in the month. There are a few punk shows going on here and there, but to be honest I'm a bit sick of that scene. Don't get me wrong, I love it but I was so obsessed with it when I was younger that I think I'm just looking to expand my variety. Besides, getting pushed into bars, hair pulled, stomped, beer spatted, makeup smudged; it's only fun every once in a while.
My friend Elijah's band Jump For The Sales is doing a Battle of the Bands at Sullivan Hall on the 14th. I don't know who else is playing but JFTS is pretty funky and always put on a good show, so it should be good and worth it. Besides, I love nothing more than discovering new (live) music.
Nuetra, Viva Mayday, Datura and SHAPES are playing the 19th at The Tank (45th street between 8th and 9th). I've never seen any of those bands live, but what I've heard through Myspace and word of mouth, I've dug.
The 20th I'm conflicted. Elefant Walk as well as Exemption are playing a Battle of the Bands at either Webster Hall or the Knitting Factory, it's a surprise.
My good friends "The Rejects" are also playing at Webster Hall. Went to school with the drummer Alex, even played a few art gallery talent shows together at the woOOOoonderful Highschool of Art and Design.
I'm hoping they both play Webster so it will be easier. Also then I can network them to play some shows together and open eachother's music up to a whole other set of people. That'd be pretty cool.
The 27th is the DIGAMY cd release show. I'll be Facepainting and sharpie tattooing. Apparently I'm going to get a shout out which will be super rad too. Another great band named Freedomhead will also be performing as well as a few other bands I haven't heard of. Will be an adventure (a crunk one) for sure.
The 28th is my 19th birthday.
Usually I throw a big themed party; last year it was "white trash", the year before that was "Rock Of Love", the year before that was vaudeville, bellydancer and all.
This year, I don't know what I want to do. Just good friends, good beer, good music is good enough for me. Unless someone wants to throw a surprise party. I wouldn't mind that my lovely cyberstalkers.
It's a good month away so we'll see....
The night we decide to come home, halfway through it started blizzarding. My Godfather owns a Trailblazer SS and because of the wheels being supersport, they're made thinner which makes it harder to drive in the snow. Not to mention we could barely see out the front windshield. It felt like the beginning credits of Star Wars where the stars are shooting at the screen. So with the dogs in tow, we stopped at a Howard Johnson in Liberty, NY for the night.
And by dogs in tow, I mean we had to sneak them in. When we had called the Days Inn they told us no dogs were allowed and that the other hotels had the same policy. But what were we to do? We couldn't continue, so we figured if found out they'd have to understand the circumstances.
Besides, my bloodsugar was high and they watch out for me during the night, barking or nudging me usually when my bloodsugar goes significantly higher or lower. It's amazing how they sense it. It's a known fact that animals do, too.
Lexi is also like a big furry babybear that usually sleeps snuggled into me, with Calvin's little curly as down by my feet so I was kept completely warm and protected.
I have to admit though, I'm so happy to be home. Despite the rain and snow it's so amazing to sleep in my posturepedic bed with my tempurpedic pillow as opposed to a blowup mattress on the floor or a hotel floor.
In sexellent news, tomorrow is the John Mayer concert at Madison Square Garden with Chloe. She's been my best friend since birth (our parents grew up on the Lower East Side together). I think I love her unconditionally even more than I did before. But sorry babe, that gorgeous being John is all mine. Heh.
Spent today calling different venues about open mic's. Have two set up for this coming week. Monday is Sidewalk Cafe at 8pm (94 Avenue A). Wednesday is Birch Coffee (7 East 27th Street between Madison and Fifth Avenue, Gershwin Hotel) also at 8pm. Apparently Birch fills up fast so I'm going to be there earlier to get a good spot.
For now it's going to be just me singing accapella. Probably do a couple of my own and maybe a cover thrown in if time permits.
Called Queens College to take a tour of the school next week. Waiting for a response, sent me right to voicemail. Will have to call back tomorrow. Also have an appointment at Brooklyn College on Tuesday.
I'm becoming more excited about school actually. Can't wait to start studying my roots and finally get there.
Back to Upcoming shows though...
This Saturday, the 27th, if you're in Staten Island go check out my friend AJ's band IN BUENO'S AIRES at Martini Red (372 Vanduzer Street). They go on at 11pm - 12am. This will be their last show until April due to travelling arrangements, so you should catch them if you can.
Tom Moran Band is playing at Ella Lounge on Tuesday. Apparently the venue is reminiscent of the 20's and 30's and is a bit fancy. The free beer sounds nice too.
Vision Through Sound is playing up in Centerreach, NY. I don't know if I'll be able to make this one, only if I can somehow hitch a ride, then I most certainly will.
Nothing else is that eyecatching until a bit later in the month. There are a few punk shows going on here and there, but to be honest I'm a bit sick of that scene. Don't get me wrong, I love it but I was so obsessed with it when I was younger that I think I'm just looking to expand my variety. Besides, getting pushed into bars, hair pulled, stomped, beer spatted, makeup smudged; it's only fun every once in a while.
My friend Elijah's band Jump For The Sales is doing a Battle of the Bands at Sullivan Hall on the 14th. I don't know who else is playing but JFTS is pretty funky and always put on a good show, so it should be good and worth it. Besides, I love nothing more than discovering new (live) music.
Nuetra, Viva Mayday, Datura and SHAPES are playing the 19th at The Tank (45th street between 8th and 9th). I've never seen any of those bands live, but what I've heard through Myspace and word of mouth, I've dug.
The 20th I'm conflicted. Elefant Walk as well as Exemption are playing a Battle of the Bands at either Webster Hall or the Knitting Factory, it's a surprise.
My good friends "The Rejects" are also playing at Webster Hall. Went to school with the drummer Alex, even played a few art gallery talent shows together at the woOOOoonderful Highschool of Art and Design.
I'm hoping they both play Webster so it will be easier. Also then I can network them to play some shows together and open eachother's music up to a whole other set of people. That'd be pretty cool.
The 27th is the DIGAMY cd release show. I'll be Facepainting and sharpie tattooing. Apparently I'm going to get a shout out which will be super rad too. Another great band named Freedomhead will also be performing as well as a few other bands I haven't heard of. Will be an adventure (a crunk one) for sure.
The 28th is my 19th birthday.
Usually I throw a big themed party; last year it was "white trash", the year before that was "Rock Of Love", the year before that was vaudeville, bellydancer and all.
This year, I don't know what I want to do. Just good friends, good beer, good music is good enough for me. Unless someone wants to throw a surprise party. I wouldn't mind that my lovely cyberstalkers.
It's a good month away so we'll see....
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Links, Links, Links, oh my!
Saw my friend Tom Moran's band (The Tom Moran Band) at the Bitter End last night.
Based out of Massapequa, they play primarily all around Long Island and the five boroughs, and Boston as well. The Tom Moran Band sound like a mesh of Elliot Smith, The Smiths, Pixies, Fleet Foxes, Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, Nick Drake and Jeff Buckley. It's almost as if he is the pulsating heart and these artist's are the veins and capillaries that branch off and around him, inspiring and transpiring into something melodic and beautiful.
Ranging from upbeat tempo's to pure acousticness, there is something very vulnerable about the way he plays that draws you in and keeps you transfixed; as if he wears that same beating heart on his sleeve for a humbling five minutes of pureness, then transforms back into the almost-mysterious being that he is.
His use of effect are way advanced to the bar-band typically on the New York scene. Can't really compare at all actually. Nonetheless, definitely worth checking out and supporting.
'Virgin Smile' and 'What's On the Radio?' (which is an indie-cult song in the making)are personal favorites of mine. Those two songs are older but every song on his new EP Mr. Brain is amazing.
Tom is also the lead singer and bassist in a psychedelic metal band 'Exemption', with the awesome Nick Lee (Nick Lee Conspiracy, El Rio Humano) on guitar and Ray Marte of Killingsworth Studio on drums. They are currently in the studio recording a new album.
After the band played we all headed over to Peter McManus, (drummer in the Tom Moran Band) Mike McManus's family's bar. They have been in business for over four decades! It's a nice chill spot in the heart of Chelsea; great sports, tv and music play and awesome selection of brew. Mike also bartends there during the week, so for whoever is reading this, if you decide to go ask for Mike McManus at the bar nd tell him Devin sent you.
So glad the wonderful and beautiful Kristina came out with me last night. Had a blast. Can't wait for Adventure Two of The Jimmy Fallon show with her and her boyfriend Pete.
Pete is an awesome guy. He raps under the name Speechless and works for Billabong in Times Square under the MTV studios. So go visit him and buy all of your stoner/skater/surfer wear/gear from him. He'll be the laid back yet well dressed, tall, short haired blonde guy with a slew of tattoos up and down his arms and neck.
Last time we went to the Fallon show we got picked out of the seating line to do Band Bench. At first we thought we were getting kicked out for trying to sneak an ice coffee in (they are very strict about no food, drink, cameras, videos or cell phone noises) but they walked us over to the opposite side of the hall and asked if we wanted to stand behind the band when they played. We had no idea who it would be but we were in such a state of shock that all three of us said yes in unison and happilly exchanged colored wristbands to stand on the shorter, cooler line.
The Cribs played. They are very much in the vein of The Strokes and The Smiths, considering Johnny Marr is the lead guitarist. I got to shake his hand along with the lead singer/guitarist of The Roots and Jimmy Fallon waved and smiled at me while we were waiting on the stage to take our place!
We got lucky too because to get up to the "bench" behind the band, you have to climb up a set of stairs and stand on metal grating. A few extradonairily tall guys were standing in the front. Well, being the midget that I am, and Kris not being extravagantly taller than me, I asked one of the tall guys with an exeedingly large afro if we could squeeze in in front of him and he happily obliged, even moving over for Pete. Because of his kindness to the height impared of the world, our grill's appeared on the *overexageratedenglishaccent* telly!
I wish this coming week we get to do Band Bench again. And I hope the celebrities and band are ones that we like. They don't tell you who's going to be on or who is playing until you get there. That's the catch. I mean, what if it's someone you despise? Then your stuck.
I'm just praying John Mayer's going to be on. I would keel over. Then he'd have to jump into the audience and save me with his beauty. Haha. Oh.
Last time was Ashley Judd and some race car driver. She was boring as shit and her outfit was obnoxiously hideous. I don't even remember anything about the race car driver guy except that he was hot. But The Roots, The Cribs and Jimmy's dry humoured-cute antics made it totally worth it.
We-ell, I should be cleaning instead of whoring out my friends on my blog, but my body is craving electrolites and whole weat tortilla-meatless burrittos like mad thanks to the ventures of last night. Despite feeling like wanting to smash my head through the wall and crawl into a warm, black lagoon to sleep for days, last night was indefinitely worth it. Needed a good night out in the city, and to see talented, awe-inspiring musicians thrive.
Made me want to start performing and getting out there that much more.
I hope the snow dies down though so it won't be such a pain in the ass traveling around to open mics this coming week. I really want it to stop snowing here in Rockaway. Seems like everywhere else hasn't been hit this hard, if at all.
I do have a busy couple of weeks ahead. Cheng Huai Fashion show on Tuesday, Jimmy Fallon on thursday. The following week I'm going to see this dope musician Don Ryan from Long Island at the Trash bar. Then the amazing Vision Through Sound at the Bitter End again that Friday.
Before I forget, you should also check out my mother's friend Stephan Fowlkes. He carves and sculpts. It's amazing what he can do with a slab of wood or stone. He is working on this amazing piece right now that is a perfect cube of over 175 pieces of wood so far!
He is also the writer and art editor for the Art Crawl review in the New York Optimist.
Not only is he an amazing and informative writer/reviewer and highly educated when it comes to art, but also an amazingly friendly person who has given me great advice and insight into the world of art. On top of it, he has even sold his work to the likings of Orlando Bloom! I would love the oppurtunity to own a piece of his oneday.
For now I must get off my lazy ass and start to clean up, but here are some links I've compiled of musicans (mostly from the Long Island scene) that I love:
Musicians
Tom Moran:
http://www.myspace.com/thomasmoran
http://www.myspace.com/exemption
Michael McManus:
http://www.myspace.com/elriohumano
http://www.myspace.com/helicoptergoeskaboom
Vision Through Sound:
http://www.myspace.com/visionthroughsound
http://www.myspace.com/thesonitusrevolution (background provided by yours truly)
Dinosaurs In Vietnam Record Collective:
http://www.myspace.com/dinosaursinvietnam
http://pellytwins.blogspot.com/2010/02/last-chance-to-buy-to-worlds-largest.html
Bdee and the Venoumous Oranges:
http://www.myspace.com/therealbdee
Elefant Walk:
http://www.myspace.com/elephantwalkus
Bonus Eventus:
http://www.myspace.com/bonuseventus
Casual Sweater Tuesday:
http://www.myspace.com/casualsweatertuesday
Nifty Breed:
http://www.myspace.com/niftybreed
Fortune and Spirits:
http://www.myspace.com/fortunespirits
Joyce Nancy:
http://www.myspace.com/joycenancy
Rice Cultivation Society:
http://www.myspace.com/ricecultivationsociety
Chelsea Smile:
http://www.myspace.com/chsmile
The Holy Soviets:
http://www.myspace.com/holysoviets
The Rhodes:
http://www.myspace.com/therhodesmusic
Christian Peslak:
http://www.myspace.com/christianpeslak
Don Ryan:
http://www.myspace.com/donryanmusic
Artist
Stephan Fowlkes:
http://www.thenewyorkoptimist.com/stephanfowlkes.html
These are just a few. I'll add more and give more in depth descriptions/opinions as I go a long.
Enjoy.
Based out of Massapequa, they play primarily all around Long Island and the five boroughs, and Boston as well. The Tom Moran Band sound like a mesh of Elliot Smith, The Smiths, Pixies, Fleet Foxes, Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, Nick Drake and Jeff Buckley. It's almost as if he is the pulsating heart and these artist's are the veins and capillaries that branch off and around him, inspiring and transpiring into something melodic and beautiful.
Ranging from upbeat tempo's to pure acousticness, there is something very vulnerable about the way he plays that draws you in and keeps you transfixed; as if he wears that same beating heart on his sleeve for a humbling five minutes of pureness, then transforms back into the almost-mysterious being that he is.
His use of effect are way advanced to the bar-band typically on the New York scene. Can't really compare at all actually. Nonetheless, definitely worth checking out and supporting.
'Virgin Smile' and 'What's On the Radio?' (which is an indie-cult song in the making)are personal favorites of mine. Those two songs are older but every song on his new EP Mr. Brain is amazing.
Tom is also the lead singer and bassist in a psychedelic metal band 'Exemption', with the awesome Nick Lee (Nick Lee Conspiracy, El Rio Humano) on guitar and Ray Marte of Killingsworth Studio on drums. They are currently in the studio recording a new album.
After the band played we all headed over to Peter McManus, (drummer in the Tom Moran Band) Mike McManus's family's bar. They have been in business for over four decades! It's a nice chill spot in the heart of Chelsea; great sports, tv and music play and awesome selection of brew. Mike also bartends there during the week, so for whoever is reading this, if you decide to go ask for Mike McManus at the bar nd tell him Devin sent you.
So glad the wonderful and beautiful Kristina came out with me last night. Had a blast. Can't wait for Adventure Two of The Jimmy Fallon show with her and her boyfriend Pete.
Pete is an awesome guy. He raps under the name Speechless and works for Billabong in Times Square under the MTV studios. So go visit him and buy all of your stoner/skater/surfer wear/gear from him. He'll be the laid back yet well dressed, tall, short haired blonde guy with a slew of tattoos up and down his arms and neck.
Last time we went to the Fallon show we got picked out of the seating line to do Band Bench. At first we thought we were getting kicked out for trying to sneak an ice coffee in (they are very strict about no food, drink, cameras, videos or cell phone noises) but they walked us over to the opposite side of the hall and asked if we wanted to stand behind the band when they played. We had no idea who it would be but we were in such a state of shock that all three of us said yes in unison and happilly exchanged colored wristbands to stand on the shorter, cooler line.
The Cribs played. They are very much in the vein of The Strokes and The Smiths, considering Johnny Marr is the lead guitarist. I got to shake his hand along with the lead singer/guitarist of The Roots and Jimmy Fallon waved and smiled at me while we were waiting on the stage to take our place!
We got lucky too because to get up to the "bench" behind the band, you have to climb up a set of stairs and stand on metal grating. A few extradonairily tall guys were standing in the front. Well, being the midget that I am, and Kris not being extravagantly taller than me, I asked one of the tall guys with an exeedingly large afro if we could squeeze in in front of him and he happily obliged, even moving over for Pete. Because of his kindness to the height impared of the world, our grill's appeared on the *overexageratedenglishaccent* telly!
I wish this coming week we get to do Band Bench again. And I hope the celebrities and band are ones that we like. They don't tell you who's going to be on or who is playing until you get there. That's the catch. I mean, what if it's someone you despise? Then your stuck.
I'm just praying John Mayer's going to be on. I would keel over. Then he'd have to jump into the audience and save me with his beauty. Haha. Oh.
Last time was Ashley Judd and some race car driver. She was boring as shit and her outfit was obnoxiously hideous. I don't even remember anything about the race car driver guy except that he was hot. But The Roots, The Cribs and Jimmy's dry humoured-cute antics made it totally worth it.
We-ell, I should be cleaning instead of whoring out my friends on my blog, but my body is craving electrolites and whole weat tortilla-meatless burrittos like mad thanks to the ventures of last night. Despite feeling like wanting to smash my head through the wall and crawl into a warm, black lagoon to sleep for days, last night was indefinitely worth it. Needed a good night out in the city, and to see talented, awe-inspiring musicians thrive.
Made me want to start performing and getting out there that much more.
I hope the snow dies down though so it won't be such a pain in the ass traveling around to open mics this coming week. I really want it to stop snowing here in Rockaway. Seems like everywhere else hasn't been hit this hard, if at all.
I do have a busy couple of weeks ahead. Cheng Huai Fashion show on Tuesday, Jimmy Fallon on thursday. The following week I'm going to see this dope musician Don Ryan from Long Island at the Trash bar. Then the amazing Vision Through Sound at the Bitter End again that Friday.
Before I forget, you should also check out my mother's friend Stephan Fowlkes. He carves and sculpts. It's amazing what he can do with a slab of wood or stone. He is working on this amazing piece right now that is a perfect cube of over 175 pieces of wood so far!
He is also the writer and art editor for the Art Crawl review in the New York Optimist.
Not only is he an amazing and informative writer/reviewer and highly educated when it comes to art, but also an amazingly friendly person who has given me great advice and insight into the world of art. On top of it, he has even sold his work to the likings of Orlando Bloom! I would love the oppurtunity to own a piece of his oneday.
For now I must get off my lazy ass and start to clean up, but here are some links I've compiled of musicans (mostly from the Long Island scene) that I love:
Musicians
Tom Moran:
http://www.myspace.com/thomasmoran
http://www.myspace.com/exemption
Michael McManus:
http://www.myspace.com/elriohumano
http://www.myspace.com/helicoptergoeskaboom
Vision Through Sound:
http://www.myspace.com/visionthroughsound
http://www.myspace.com/thesonitusrevolution (background provided by yours truly)
Dinosaurs In Vietnam Record Collective:
http://www.myspace.com/dinosaursinvietnam
http://pellytwins.blogspot.com/2010/02/last-chance-to-buy-to-worlds-largest.html
Bdee and the Venoumous Oranges:
http://www.myspace.com/therealbdee
Elefant Walk:
http://www.myspace.com/elephantwalkus
Bonus Eventus:
http://www.myspace.com/bonuseventus
Casual Sweater Tuesday:
http://www.myspace.com/casualsweatertuesday
Nifty Breed:
http://www.myspace.com/niftybreed
Fortune and Spirits:
http://www.myspace.com/fortunespirits
Joyce Nancy:
http://www.myspace.com/joycenancy
Rice Cultivation Society:
http://www.myspace.com/ricecultivationsociety
Chelsea Smile:
http://www.myspace.com/chsmile
The Holy Soviets:
http://www.myspace.com/holysoviets
The Rhodes:
http://www.myspace.com/therhodesmusic
Christian Peslak:
http://www.myspace.com/christianpeslak
Don Ryan:
http://www.myspace.com/donryanmusic
Artist
Stephan Fowlkes:
http://www.thenewyorkoptimist.com/stephanfowlkes.html
These are just a few. I'll add more and give more in depth descriptions/opinions as I go a long.
Enjoy.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tatatata ime
Time is like a vamp, sucking you dry
Tempting you into the night
Into the moonlit path of her bloodshot eyes
Time is like a succubus
A classic beauty suductress
An entrancing eathreal temptress
She's pull you in with her magick and her spells
Cast you into the ironies of her pleasures and hell
Isolate you in the confines of her ice-like shell
Cover you with star-lit kisses
Codemn you in bondage of blisses
Torture, device so painful
Watch over you like a choir of Angel
Time will whip you with indecision
Manifest most compelling of vision
Scorn you, steal your crown
Thorn you to the shit you've bound
She'll spin you in her death like web
Leave you seething stiff-like-dead
She'll stitch you back piece by piece
Leave you hanging like a dried piece of meat
Like a vamp suck you dry
Tempting you with ecstacy's so high
Into the fraudulant path of her sun=lit eyes
She'll make you feel alive
Like
Hot molten flesh
Enamle dancing skeleton
Repressed, expiring
Persperating eyes admiring
Trapese hold thread
Flashes of adrenaline
Paralyzed...loving
(Exposed?) moments, frozen
Plush and porcelain, tufted
Too close to comfort
Signs mesh, dynamic fire
Eyes collect
Soak through touch
Fake scent robust
Awkward alphabet
All flow, no go
Humble ranting on
Slow steady panting
Too far grazing planes
Bouncing corners of brain
Cradling extention
Drifting in dimension
Of enamle entwined porcelain
Energies and bends
Caressing squeeze of innocence
Currupt idealism
Luxury, glutton, sin
Doll spined skeleton
She'll suck you, fuck you dry
Luck you like the riches of heaven sky
Cut you, break all ties
She'll suck you mean clean
Fuck you like Nile's stream
Lay you down to rest, collect your treasure's chest
Suck you till you see the light
Fuck your wings till they take flight
Make you riseriserise
Then she'll steadily release
Exclaiming inevitable peace
Like the shebeast that she is
In her shiver, quiver, twist
Tempting you into the fiery glaze of her pulsing eye
She'll make you feel
She'll make you feel
So high
She'll make you feel
She'll make you feel
Alivelivelive
Tempting you into the night
Into the moonlit path of her bloodshot eyes
Time is like a succubus
A classic beauty suductress
An entrancing eathreal temptress
She's pull you in with her magick and her spells
Cast you into the ironies of her pleasures and hell
Isolate you in the confines of her ice-like shell
Cover you with star-lit kisses
Codemn you in bondage of blisses
Torture, device so painful
Watch over you like a choir of Angel
Time will whip you with indecision
Manifest most compelling of vision
Scorn you, steal your crown
Thorn you to the shit you've bound
She'll spin you in her death like web
Leave you seething stiff-like-dead
She'll stitch you back piece by piece
Leave you hanging like a dried piece of meat
Like a vamp suck you dry
Tempting you with ecstacy's so high
Into the fraudulant path of her sun=lit eyes
She'll make you feel alive
Like
Hot molten flesh
Enamle dancing skeleton
Repressed, expiring
Persperating eyes admiring
Trapese hold thread
Flashes of adrenaline
Paralyzed...loving
(Exposed?) moments, frozen
Plush and porcelain, tufted
Too close to comfort
Signs mesh, dynamic fire
Eyes collect
Soak through touch
Fake scent robust
Awkward alphabet
All flow, no go
Humble ranting on
Slow steady panting
Too far grazing planes
Bouncing corners of brain
Cradling extention
Drifting in dimension
Of enamle entwined porcelain
Energies and bends
Caressing squeeze of innocence
Currupt idealism
Luxury, glutton, sin
Doll spined skeleton
She'll suck you, fuck you dry
Luck you like the riches of heaven sky
Cut you, break all ties
She'll suck you mean clean
Fuck you like Nile's stream
Lay you down to rest, collect your treasure's chest
Suck you till you see the light
Fuck your wings till they take flight
Make you riseriserise
Then she'll steadily release
Exclaiming inevitable peace
Like the shebeast that she is
In her shiver, quiver, twist
Tempting you into the fiery glaze of her pulsing eye
She'll make you feel
She'll make you feel
So high
She'll make you feel
She'll make you feel
Alivelivelive
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Ragdolls and Creations
Sitting here drinking from my poison cup (litterally, a paper cup with a skull wearing a fancy jeweled crown and enscripted with old english-style lettering underneath reading 'poison'. How cool am I?), having mixed emotions about basically everything. I guess today is one of those days to let myself go through the motions' and save decisions for tomorrow.
I think even my dog's sense I'm in an off mood since they've been more affectionate today then usual. It's okay. I don't mind the extra love and little smiling faces peering up at me as if to say, "How cute am I? Now pet me bitch".
I've spent most of the day writing. Though I left my refference cd of SLUTFACE in Chicago most of my ideas permeated with me and have since evolved. At least the tracks I remember the beats and names to. I think this is good. It's a new direction for me, more of a electronic-dance vibe. Even though my father's a house music producer and I've been surrounded by it for years, I've never seen myself exploring this type of music up until this past year when Bdee expressed to me his idea for SLUTFACE and The Handsome Gentlemen. He even came up with the latter half of the title which completes it in my opinion. I think it represents us well, especially for what's to come.
I want to use it as an alterior identity, the other part of me that I don't express as much; the grittier, edgier, fearless and vulnerable side. I've been working harder on trying to cultivate that side of myself so I can be open more creatively. I'm trying to be as open and honest with myself as my mind shall allow so I'll finally attain that freedom I spoke of previously. I think it's working so far, in the writing aspect.
I don't feel the need to rush this process either. I think most people think it's never going to happen because I've put it off for so long but they forget that timing is everything. If only they truly knew where I was coming from instead of making wrong (silent) accusations. But it dampers their energy, not mine. I'm quite proud of the work I'm producing and extremely excited about the next step in the process.
Had a few good days in the art department but today it's come to a hault. I try not to force myself too hard if I'm not feeling it or the whole thing becomes strenuous and not a great product of work. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my art and I will start a piece over and over until I feel it's right.
I guess today isn't a day for drawing or decisions.
Almost forgot, here's the new Ragdoll Creations logo (click on it to see full version):
Tell me what you think...
I think even my dog's sense I'm in an off mood since they've been more affectionate today then usual. It's okay. I don't mind the extra love and little smiling faces peering up at me as if to say, "How cute am I? Now pet me bitch".
I've spent most of the day writing. Though I left my refference cd of SLUTFACE in Chicago most of my ideas permeated with me and have since evolved. At least the tracks I remember the beats and names to. I think this is good. It's a new direction for me, more of a electronic-dance vibe. Even though my father's a house music producer and I've been surrounded by it for years, I've never seen myself exploring this type of music up until this past year when Bdee expressed to me his idea for SLUTFACE and The Handsome Gentlemen. He even came up with the latter half of the title which completes it in my opinion. I think it represents us well, especially for what's to come.
I want to use it as an alterior identity, the other part of me that I don't express as much; the grittier, edgier, fearless and vulnerable side. I've been working harder on trying to cultivate that side of myself so I can be open more creatively. I'm trying to be as open and honest with myself as my mind shall allow so I'll finally attain that freedom I spoke of previously. I think it's working so far, in the writing aspect.
I don't feel the need to rush this process either. I think most people think it's never going to happen because I've put it off for so long but they forget that timing is everything. If only they truly knew where I was coming from instead of making wrong (silent) accusations. But it dampers their energy, not mine. I'm quite proud of the work I'm producing and extremely excited about the next step in the process.
Had a few good days in the art department but today it's come to a hault. I try not to force myself too hard if I'm not feeling it or the whole thing becomes strenuous and not a great product of work. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my art and I will start a piece over and over until I feel it's right.
I guess today isn't a day for drawing or decisions.
Almost forgot, here's the new Ragdoll Creations logo (click on it to see full version):
Tell me what you think...
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